Gretchen

Tooling along on the interstate alone gives my brain a chance to stew in its creative juices. That's where Outtakes from a Silent Western came from, as well as a gaming adventure I'm planning. This latest trip back from Phoenix, I challenged myself to write a country song in my head about a girl named Gretchen. You know, there's lotsa pretty girls with that name... don't you think they deserve a song? Why should The Knack's Sharona, Manilow's Mandy, Rod Stewart's Maggy Mae, KISS's Beth, Allman's Jessica (an instrumental; they took the easy route), and Donnie Iris' Leah get all the glory?

Trouble is, the name doesn't roll off the anglophone's tongue as easily as "Lola Falana" or even "Toyota Corrolla." And what rhymes with "Gretchen?" Retchin'? Fetchin'? Needless to say, the name would have to be away from the rhyming ends of the verses.

Donny Iris also wrote a song named Agnes, so my task is neither original nor impossible. Maybe Rammstein's already done a kick-ass deutchmetall song for Gretchen... in which case she's probably a euroskank pothead who'd never be the subject of a Garth Brooks song.

Since no specific girl named Gretchen motivates me to write a song about them, my brain started writing a song about the difficulties of writing a song about a girl named Gretchen. Now if I could only remember it.

Now, if Gretchen Wilson wants to motivate me....