Cowboy Blob's Saloon and Shootin Gallery

I'm not a real Cowboy, but I play one in the movies.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Happy Fools Day!

I renamed the blog in homage to April Fools Day, plus I've been getting too many Google hits from people trying to build their own humidor (true!). Heck, my Google traffic should be waaay down with the change.

Seriously, I quit smoking (pipe...again) this week, so the humidor might be gone for good if I can maintain the willpower. I'm also trying to cut down on the drinking, but the saloon shall stay, I promise. I'm cutting back mainly to lose weight, even after I bought new "fat shorts" for summer. My bout of laziness this week is helping in this regard (although it hasn't helped me exercise); my fridge is almost empty of non-condiment food and my pantry has little of interest. What I do have is a full bag of coffee beans and a freshly opened can of Ultra Slimfast mix. Let's see how long I can live on that (and freezer/pantry remains) until I need to make a commissary run. The absolute duration is marked by the six rolls of TP in the bathroom. Sure, I can bust open some MRE knicknack packs for emergency TP, but let's just see if I can last six rolls.

The bad thing about quitting drinking is the rotten sleep I get. Sleep is touch-and-go and dreams come way too readily and are way too boring...would you believe I dreamed of blogging a review of the book I just read? (See previous post.) I need to spend some more time away from the computer! This weekend should help, although I'll probably need a few drinks to guarantee at least a few hours sleep before Sunday's match (got four hours last night and two hours nap after my first post). Enough of this personal drivel...have a Happy Fools Day!


  • At 4:12 AM, Blogger Jerry The Geek said…

    Huh? What? NOOoooooooo.....

    Dude, you do NOT want to go to the "I Gave It All Up For Lent" Guilt-o-matic Diet From Heck.

    If you do, you will surely shrivel all away, and I will be the only Manwich-sized Blogger left in the Blimposphere.

    Er, I mean "Blogosphere".

    Skinnying up makes you surley, mean, easily riled. Why would you want to ruin yourself this way?

    Giving up food ... maybe.

    Tobacco? Get outta town!

    Whiskey? Who you gonna call when you need inspiration for your daily blog?

    Trust me, you're only gonna alienate a lot of important relationships. Your children will not recognize you. Your ferrets will poop in your boots.

    (Oh, right. They already do that. well, they'll be feeding off your refrigerator left-overs, so figure a 100% increase in the poop-index, and decide where you want to put your skinny feet on a cold Winter morning.)

    Here's the Geek Diet:
    Breakfast: Burger King Croissant with Ham, and a side order of CinniMini's with Milk.

    Lunch: Blimpy's ("I will gladly pay you a dollar tomorrow for a hamburger today") 6" Turkey Sandwich on Sesame Seed bread, with Lay's Sour Cream And Onion chips and a medium Classic Coke.

    Dinner: Ham Sandwich, on Sourdough bread, with butter liberally smeared. Ice water to drink.

    Dessert: Three fingers of Canadian Whiskey; one serving for every meal you've eaten today. Don't remember how often you ate? Have an extra shot. It'll make you wise, and funny, and will gain the pugilistic animosity of large young men with an attitude who think you're not as funny as you think you are.

    In-between meal snacks: Marlboro cigarettes, to make your breath as fresh as the evening ferret litter-box.

    Trust me on this one. This diet has made me The Blogger I Am Today.

    (Which may be the reason I spend so much time typing on my computer.)

  • At 7:11 PM, Blogger prairie biker said…

    Send me the humidor, I could always use another. Don't quit drinking, just switch from beer to whiskey or vodka.

    I hate to say it but if you really want to lose the weight, you will have to add exercise to your routine. If you run out of food, you could always eat the ferrets.....

    C'mon, say it with me, overcome your food aversions.


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