American Hiroshima, the Day After

At first impulse, I would have been all for reducing Mecca to a dirty glass parking lot after the launch of an American Hiroshima, the detonation of suitcase nukes in cities throughout the US. After great reflection and a few vodka-lemonades, I realize that striking a Muslim holy site with no military value would not be productive. Now, allow me to put on my Gen. "Buck" Turgidson hat to poke some pins into the map for a productive retributive strike.



Operation Roto-Tiller: In close cooperation with President-General Musharraf, we'll identify those remote border areas of Pakistan where his government has no sway. Osama bin Laden is most likely hiding in one of these havens and there are certainly terrorist training areas and breeding grounds in these mountainous regions. This is the only instance I can justify "carpet bombing" since it is more area denial than attacking a population. We should sew those traffickable areas with penetrating munitions and low-yield nuclear weapons. Then, instead of racial profiling, we can profile for swarthy men with heavy burns and bleeding gums.

Operation Urgent Burqa: If New York goes up in smoke, Teheran, Iran, must be flattened. Other targets include their nuclear processing facilities and their air and ground forces' centers of gravity. Arms and "resistance kits" should be inserted with Special Forces in regions not entirely under the theocratic thumb of the mullahs. Let the Revolution begin!













Operation Raging Mama Bear: Time to let everyone else be terrified! Scramble half the bomber fleet to Diego Garcia, Guam, and Alaska (Alaska to get the Norks' attention) and let the world know we're pissed. We'll back-channel our nuclear friends and pseudo-friends to let them know we're not threatening them unless they're feeling froggy. If we can get our Allies in on this, we can get a flight of Aussie F-111s to impersonate a squadron of B-1s approaching Indonesia and give the Muslim world a taste of what they'll get for launching jihad against the United States. We might need an extra nuke or two for Syrian military targets or a Roto-tiller mission to the mountains of Afghanistan, but I think this will get the ragtards' attention. Meanwhile, the FBI can be monitoring the phonetaps for local imams giggling like schoolgirls over the burning American cities. I hope I'll still be alive to take up the sub-contract to help mop those bastards up.