You Want Economic Recovery?

I got your economic recovery! Put me in charge. I'm a small "L" libertarian, which means I vote Republican because the Big "L" Libertarians are always too loony to elect. My platform?

Legalize marijuana -- so we can tax it. Why should all that money go to criminals when Uncle Sam could get a big cut? Weed is no more dangerous than alcohol or tobacco (two big money-makers for the tax man). Maryjane will no longer be a "gateway drug" if you're buying it from the store instead of a shady character trying to sell you crack too.

Legalize prostitution in all 50 states -- so we can tax it. And keep tabs on authorized sex workers to ensure they're STD-free. Look for the workforce to unionize, except in right-to-work states. Insert joke about ugly 50-year-old hooker, "But I've got seniority!"

Legalize speeding -- so we can tax it. Pay extra when you renew your vehicle registration (about the cost of two speeding tickets) and get a high-visibility tax stamp for your bumper. Get caught speeding without one... that's tax evasion! We impound your car. Legalized speeding will only apply on interstate highways in dry, daylight conditions.

Abolish the IRS and replace it with the Bureau of Vice Revenue (BVR). It ought to make being an accountant fun!