No Such Agency

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill ya.

Lately, Hollywood has decided that the old shadowy "Company" CIA bad guys should be replaced by NSA bad guys. I think this is because the CIA is full of Ivy League Liberals who got tired of their bad image and dropped word at a cocktail party that something had better be done or somebody's going to get a ricin-tipped umbrella point in the ass. Rather than make some fictional agency the subject, they attribute all kinds of outlandish missions to the other "Secret Agency." Hasn't anybody read "Puzzle Palace?" (I bought my copy at the Rite Aid drug store just inside past the Credit Union.) The only guys with guns are the Rent-a-Cops at the Entry Control Points! If you work for a Secret Agency, does that make you a Secret Agent? The CIA Operations Directorate is full of people who wear fake noses and carry poisoned pens; who does NSA employ? Math geeks and language nerds! The only dangerous people in the building are the US Marines stationed there, and they're not as scary as real Marines! [Rolling for cover.]

It was good to see President Bush showing some love to NSA employees yesterday. I remember the lovefest when President Reagan dedicated the Rubiks Cube building (the new one they always show in front). Maybe Clinton visited there once, probably when the summer interns were in full bloom; more likely not, since he loathed the military and the cryptologic service elements make up a lot of the manpower there. GWB's visit raised some spirits, I'm sure. It's not easy toiling away in anonymity with the nation's most closely guarded secrets in your hands. It's even worse when the only press you do get is twisted lies designed to make you and your President look bad. And leaked secrets that cost uncounted dollars and man-hours.

You know, ricin's not really that hard to make....