Migrant Soldiers Front!

Our porous border to the south presents a security hazard that just might fix itself. Relocate the Army units in Germany to the American Southwest, near cities with a decent standard of living. Rotate small units to patrol the border with Mexico. Detain all illegal border-crossers and keep them in a Joe Arpaio-type tent city. Give everyone a physical and background check. If they aren't Mexican, ship them to Guantanamo and let them sit there until they rot. Send the rest to Camp Tillman (that's what I'd name the first one), another tent city, and conscript them into the US Army. Those not meeting the physical standards can run the laundry, mess hall, etc., for minimum wage. Initial training could be performed on the spot, or at one of the training centers the newly redeployed European units would have created.

The training schedule consists of marksmanship, small unit infantry action, perimeter defense, civic affairs, English, and survival Arabic lessons. They'll already be aclimated to a desert environment. There's no shortage of Spanish speakers in the US Army who can act as training cadre. Once trained, the soldiers are added to the annual Iraq rotation (or whevever we're liberating by then). I'll leave it to the Ground Heads to determine how to fit them in with deploying infantry units, but they probably can't operate as squads themselves unless some of the motivated brighter ones are promoted to NCO during training. Keeping them together might be good for their morale. Special skill recruits could be transferred to other branches, but these ought to be rare among migrant agricultural workers.

When their unit redeploys to the States, they can stay with that unit on active duty and bring their dependents to the USA. Returnees may chose to pick vegetables (or whatever) as a Reservist, coming back for paid drill one weekend a month, but these folks won't have the benefit of Army housing. Reserve drill can be performed at any Army Reserve facility. At the end of a three-year term, they can go back to Mexico or stay in the US as a legal alien. Those who faced combat may be eligible for immediate US citizenship. Heck, some might reenlist. VA education benefits would apply as normal (for those who didn't send every last spare dollar back to Mexico).

The minimum wage non-conscripts would have the same term of service, during which they'll acquire the habit of filing taxes. Since there will probably be more of these folks than the camps need, excess personnel can be released into the economy (or back to Mexico) after a term to be determined by the President.

Before all this happens, we flood the Mexican media with a warning outlining the consequences of risking our border illegally. Before long, they might realize that it would be easier to just contact the Army Recruiter at the Embassy than stomp across the desert carrying a jug of water. And who knows, perhaps the Mexican government grow some and field a contingent alongside their own countrymen?

Note: This started out as a joke post, but it started to take on a life of its own--so I excised all the funny bits. Discuss.