Cowboy Blob's Saloon and Shootin Gallery

I'm not a real Cowboy, but I play one in the movies.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A Mass-Murder Primer

So, you've been wronged by your least favorite professor/political representative/girlfriend/boss?  They failed to recognize your genius/specialness/charm?  Those bastards!  I want to help you exact the revenge that will vindicate your miserable life!

You're on a one-way trip to message delivery; don't waste unnecessary money on name brand magazines for the weapons you've chosen for your mission.  Get the cheaper Korean knock-offs.  Magazines are a point of failure, so go with a few large ones, rather than the smaller 10-rounders you'll probably fumble away.

Spend the money you saved on ammo magazines on THE killing machine, a Saiga drum-fed shotgun fresh out of the box.  Don't bother feeding single shells into a clunky old farmer's tool like the Remington 870... who excels at mass murder like the Russians and Chinese? 

Speaking of which, load up on quality but super-cheap ammo from Wolf and NORINCO.  I still have a stash of both I'm saving for my own spree... or the Zombie Apocalypse (whichever comes first).

Do not invest in ballistic armor... it might protect for a second, but it hurts like a mo-fo when hit.  Triple the doses of your prescription meds, instead. 

And Don't, for heavens sake, go out to the range and practice shooting!  Recreational shooting is a known source of stress relief... you wouldn't want to mellow your great big knot of craziness, would you?


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1 Comments:

  • At 7:12 AM, Blogger Fits said…

    Yep.

    Practice, practice, practice, and when it hurts so hard you wanna give in to the invisible little girl whispering in your ear, suck it up and practice some more.

     

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