Fixations and Pipes

I guess if Linkin Park can throw together a Heavy Metal Screecher and Rapper, Evanescence can graft a nightclub singer into a rock band. But it just ain't right.

IMHO, Amy Lee is the hottest chick in pop culture today (look at those eyes!), but pardon me while I, Doctor Blob, suit up for Genre Reassignment Surgery. There's no way "pipes" like hers should be wasted in a rock band. It's like eating ice cream while getting a blow job; they're both great by themselves, but constitute a distraction in combination. Or so I imagine.

Here I must make a terrible confession: I like Barry Manilow, Whitney Houston, and *GASP!* Celine Dion. They can musically wail with great gusto...but what works in Vegas isn't hip or lucrative, so great, powerful voices like those of Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, and Mariah Carey get railroaded into singing something catchy and hip-pop. Not so if I were King; I'd match Amy up with a big band and let her pound out some energetic ballads before she screws up her voice smoking crack or whatever rock stars indulge. Step away from the pipe, Whitney!


Mariah, remember "Vision of Love?" Can you do something like that again without calling every dog in Harlem? Thank you. You can blow me now. Right after I'm done with this ice cream.

It's good to be the King.