Cowboy Blob's Saloon and Shootin Gallery

I'm not a real Cowboy, but I play one in the movies.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Whatcha Call 100 Armed Lesbians?

Militia Etheridge.

I know, I'm going to hell for that (and fixing the graphic).

Got back into playing Steel Panthers: MBT until the early morning again. I've been playing one African "banana republic" against another in the mid-70s; Zimbabwe vs Tanzania the latest. Lotsa green troops in Chinese armor against mostly old Russian tanks...and mobs of motivated militia with AKs and RPGs. I've won all my battles with Marginal Victories...I always got there "the fastest with the mostest," but despite the withering firepower I could lay down, some knucklehead with an RPG-7 would slip through and attrit my armor. There's a lesson in modern warfare for ya; I sliced, diced, and jullienned his armor with brutal efficiency, but "quantity has a quality all its own." (Google is split on Stalin or Lenin saying this, but I think they read it from Mao's Little Red Book.) Wave attacks against stationary armor always get through if you have the grunts to spare.

Around 2 a.m., I decided to prove the opposite: Quality has a Quantity All Its Own--and I wanted a quick game with a big victory to sleep on (I saw exploding tanks in my dreams). I played the American Army against North Korea in 2020. Even with all the points I got, I could only afford an abbreviated company of M-1s, and mech platoon of Bradleys, two batteries of 155-mm Paladins, a Forward Observer track, an unarmed Kiowa helicopter, and a cheap sniper to use the last points. Most of the NK horde met its death at its starting position as the Kiowa peeked at their layout from high altitude, and the FO called in many armor-piercing submunitions down on their soft upperbellies. The M-1s and Brads raced across the snowy battlefield and mopped up the dazed surviving vehicles. The game hasn't declared an end yet, as there are many objectives I need to take with only a few vehicles--so there's still a chance that Luke the Gook can puke a nuke like a spook--not really a nuke, but one lucky shot that'll kill an Abrams and crew, disenchant the media, alarm the Democrats, who'll declare the game a quagmire, and order my immediate withdrawal. Well, that's a lot of AI to put in a game.

Update: Finally reaching the far side of the battlefield, I waxed a platoon of tanks the computer sent in as reinforcements, then--wouldn't ya know it--an RPG team exploded one of my Bradleys! My other two losses were two Paladins to counterbattery fire. Guess I should have heeded that other Army axiom, "Shoot and Scoot."


  • At 2:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ROTFLMAO, Cowboy Blob!!! I GOTTA remember THAT one!

  • At 4:13 PM, Blogger Timmeeee said…

    I play Panzer General II myself.
    Just about to fight the battle of the bulge.

  • At 6:47 AM, Blogger Jay.Mac said…

    This sounds like a game I really have to get.

    Hilarious write up!

  • At 11:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    And the best part, jay.mac, is that it's free...

    Click here...

  • At 2:58 PM, Blogger Ken said…

    Yes, very cool. Along the same lines, the original developers of the excellent Freespace 2 have gone open-source. It's a little more work to download and install, but it's still a great game. Files should be available at:


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