Cowboy Blob's Saloon and Shootin Gallery

I'm not a real Cowboy, but I play one in the movies.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Zombie Whackin'!

James at Hell in a Handbasket tipped me off to Moral Flexibility's treasury of Zombie Survival lore. The site's author, Mugwug, links to another site,, a resource site with a very entertaining forum. One topic that didn't get a lot of play was Zombie Physiology. It's universally agreed upon that shooting a zombie in the head is the cure-all remedy for a zombie attack. This reminds me of a discussion on Usenet's rec.guns a few years ago, but the subject was defense against an attacker armed with a melee weapon (knife, crowbar, ax, etc.). Similarly, shooting the scimitar-wielding goblin in the noggin should end the fight, but that could be a pretty difficult shoot. How about anywhere else? A center-of-mass shot might not stop the attack, even if the wound is ultimately mortal. After all, the object is to avoid getting skewered with the sword, not ensuring the attacker dies for his sins.

The answer to both the zombie dilemma and the ax-wielder is the pelvic girdle. Bust up that ring of bones (.45 ACP and shotguns work best) and the attacker falls down, even if they're supernaturally animated. Once the attacker falls short of you, running away or busting a cap into his head is much easier. Uh, for zombies anyway. For the non-undead, you're legally obligated to check whether they wish to continue attacking before dispatching them. That's easy enough...if they haven't curled into the fetal position by then, shoot away. In the Usenet forum, one police officer noted that one marauding thug threw down his weapon and surrendered after the officer drew down on him. "You were gonna shoot me in the nuts!" Indeed.

Flash Update! The Kerry/Edwards campaign is endorsing Zombie Proliferation!
h/t Is Full of Crap


  • At 2:48 PM, Blogger Benjamin said…

    Your analysis of the pelvic girdle shot is spot on.

    But as can be seen in "Dead Alive" or "Return of the Living Dead II", some zombies are separated from their lower halves, or have deteriorated so badly that it is questionable whether the pelvic shot would drop them.

    I think their is a logical case for edged weapons, in the case of a zombie attack. Given their slowness and lack of dexterity, a machete might be the way to go before the kill shot.

  • At 3:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thanks for the plug!

    I stole your article and posted it here:

    Hope you don't mind.


  • At 5:05 PM, Blogger Cowboy Blob said…

    Da nada, Amoeba! Keep 'em at bay!


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